Why Have Children? Global De-Population is Here
What Does a Childless Woman Think, Do, and Feel about This Undeniable Demographic Trend?
Dear Friends,
In front of thousands of live listeners at the NY Encounter on February 15, 2025, I moderated a discussion with two demographers, Brad Wilcox of UVA and Nick Eberstadt of AEI, about global depopulation.
I’ve been invited to write two articles about my own response to the situation, which, as a childless woman, has touched me personally. For now, I wanted to share the video of our conversation and a few highlights.
Nick Eberstadt opened with a sobering view of global demographics (that is, if you care about the future of the human population).
Three-quarters of the world’s population lives in countries where the population is declining. There’s no reason to think that the exception—Africa, which still has some population growth—will not follow the same trend very soon (if it hasn’t already).
You may have realized that the birth rate (i.e., average # of children per woman) is 0.55 in Seoul, Korea, but did you know it is only 1.2 in Istanbul, Turkey and 1.2 in Calcutta, India? While it cannot be demonstrated to be the sole factor, the rise of the smartphone correlates with the birth rate decline in Turkey and other places which had previously been above replacement level (i.e., two births per woman).
We have surpassed the so-called demographic transition that was expected to yield just the number of children necessary to replace our population (2 per woman). Global depopulation is occurring, and this time, it’s by choice. In earlier periods, global depopulation resulted from war, famine, or natural disasters.
An increasing number of Americans, as Brad Wilcox explained, are choosing not to marry or have children. According to Wilcox’s predictions, one-third of young Americans will remain unmarried. Despite some claims that raising children is such a burden that it leads to unhappiness, on average, Wilcox noted that married people with kids are the happiest. The American heart is closing, he stated. “Get Married”—that seemed to be Wilcox’s point—and it’s also the title of his most recent book.
“I am one of those statistics, a childless woman,” I shared. It was not my ‘choice’, but by circumstance. I always desired marriage and children (and in that order). I was blessed with a late vocation to marriage, as I met my husband at age 47, when he was in his 50s. I am thrilled to have two stepchildren.
As a single person, while everyone else seemed to be getting married and having kids, it was hard not to feel left out. But I found happiness in the community. I spent holidays with my brothers and their kids. I started student groups everywhere I taught.
Through assisting many friends from small families and raising their only child away from those small families, I learned to appreciate my big, loud extended family for the love they have given me.
My two grandmothers had 14 and 7 children, respectively. I was astonished when one of them mentioned she had always yearned for 12 kids, not 14. “God, in His graciousness, gave me two more than my wildest dream!” My other grandmother shared that raising children isn’t difficult. With a big smile, she declared, “Kids come with instructions!”
What I learned about raising children from my large extended family, I shared with my friends who grew up as only children. One friend from China had never held a baby until she had one. She was scared every time he cried. I showed her how to support his head, cuddle him, wrap him in a blanket, rock him while walking, and feed him with a bottle.
Our culture has shifted; it’s no longer the norm or expectation to marry and have children. As a woman without children, watching my friends embrace motherhood with minimal support has confirmed how many women genuinely long for motherhood. Parenting is challenging, inspiring, and profoundly rewarding.
Those raising children in large families—and today, anything above two kids qualifies as a large family—serve as a beacon of hope and an attractive force crying out.
In the end, I answered the question, “Why have children?” referring to a graduate student I teach. Carrying her second child and trying to finish her Master’s Degree far away from her biological family (other than her husband and 2-year-old daughter), she told me, "When you are expecting a child, you know inside of you is growing a mystery that will one day come out of you. Nothing is more exciting.”
Her heart is wide open. She dreams of teaching orphans. She knows God's love can heal abandoned children. She knows our society ignores unwanted children who are just as capable of giving and receiving love as anyone else.
Throughout my life, I have held many babies, although none were my own. In doing so, I've come to understand the sentiment expressed by novelist Marilynne Robinson: to gaze into the eyes of a newborn is the closest we come to seeing the face of God.
Happiness is not an achievement, it’s a gift. Children are a blessing. You will forget your smartphones, ambitions, and quibbles with your neighbors. Take the risk, open your heart, and the boundless love of a child will move you to tears.
A newborn baby is utterly dependent on parents and community, yet children are the single greatest natural resource in the world. Each child represents unbounded opportunity. Each child I’ve held and each student I’ve mentored gives me hope. I’ve encountered the very image of God alive in this world through loving others’ children as if they were my own.
What greater joy is there than to embrace the mystery of a new life? What greater attraction, what greater reason is there to live, and what greater motivation to serve? What do we sacrifice when we define happiness through something lifeless: a car, a trip, a degree, an abundant bank account?
Stay tuned for a few forthcoming articles in which I probe more how, as a childless woman, I have learned that married and single people, people with large families, and people without families can all come together with a vision to nurture children and live spiritual childhood—a life of openness to mystery.
Sincerely,
Margarita Mooney Clayton